Jealous Much?

Why is it that when someone around us has good luck, or something great happens to them the first emotion we feel is envy? Then, after that sloshes around in us a while, we start to feel inadequate, lame, boring.

"Why can't I take vacations like that?"

"Why can't I afford a house like theirs?"

"I'm just as qualified, why don't I have that job?"

"I should have had kids by now. Why didn't I start 5 years ago??"

I don't think of myself as a jealous person. Maybe most of us don't. But it's the little resentments inside us that have the ability to turn against us. The tiny envies which, when left unchecked, can spiral us down into a bad mental space- quick. Perhaps it is a fleeting thing, and we hardly notice the ill-feelings we have when someone around us is happy. Is there not enough happiness to go around? Are we afraid they are taking more than their share?

Most people are unaware of the habits they carry around. This includes mental habits. If you find yourself gritting your teeth under your fake smile as your coworker describes her recent Costa Rican camping-stravaganza, you are in good company.

But what can we do to change it?

Start by softening your initial feelings. You do this by taking a nice deep buffer breath. Next, mirror the smile she has on (do try- it doesn't have to be as euphoric as hers). Then put yourself in the other person's shoes. Imagine she is detailing a trip you took. Happy yet? No?

How about this: when you rejoice in other's good fortune, you are training your brain to see things from that person's joyous perspective. In essence, you are planting the seed of joy and happiness in yourself. After all, what you practice, you become. And if you are practicing feeling joy for others' successes, you will find room in your life to feel successful and joyous as well. You may find yourself open to planning an adventure of your own in the near future, or whatever it was that you initially felt jealous of.

I encourage you to notice your initial reactions to others' successes. Accept that there is some envy, and soften it as you practice rejoicing for others. Start easy by feeling good for people you love. After all, you want them to be happy, right? As you get better at it, try feeling good for people whom you don't necessarily like. This is the true test. If it's too hard to do, fake it 'till you make it. Nothing wrong with that!