Waiting to Live

I was struck, the other day, by the sudden realization that I often times feel like I am just on the verge of something. Like there is a real life just beyond my grasp- a life that I am not currently living.

It's always something, you know. When I didn't have a boyfriend, I thought real life would begin once I had one. When I was a student, my real life would begin once I graduate. When I was broke, life wouldn't start until the money came rolling in.

My mind has created this fantasy me: I am successful, happy, have all the money I need, have a great career, family, and little to worry about. This fantasy is always hanging right in front of me, like a carrot dangling from a stick. I mean, I can taste it, it's so close, if I could just... reach...

I have been following this fantasy for as long as I can remember. But until then, am I just supposed to wait to live?

Deepak Chopra says it well:

"You have to give up the idea that you must go from A to B. There is no linear path when the goal isn't somewhere else. You must also discard fixed judgments about high and low, good and evil, holy and profane. The one reality includes everything in its tangle of experiences, and what we are trying to find is the experiencer who is present no matter what experience you are having." (The Book of Secrets)

So, the time for living is now. The future me cannot and will not ever come to pass. I must remind myself that all the beauty and all the joy in the world exist in singular moments. Like the one right now. And now. I know this from experience, after all!

The real goal is not dangling in front of me. The real goal is to become the experiencer who is always present. I must stay conscious, must adhere to my awareness. These are the things that truly make me happy and successful. Not so much rich, but... in the big scheme, I'd rather have my sanity.