Happiness During Holidays

I was recently reading about family from "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle. For me, the holidays are all about family, and celebrating love and togetherness. Thankfully, I was placed in a very loving family at birth, and generally enjoy family gatherings.

But just because I feel this way, it doesn't mean that my family life is perfect. Relationships are always evolving, as the family expands, as we all age, as our roles expand or simplify. In other words: sometimes its just hard to be with them. So with the holidays comes a bit of anxiety, which I'm guessing is the case with most people. Ram Dass said, "If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents."

Relationships can be tricky- even more so with parents. Although parents are an important part of decision making in a child's life, once the child is able to grasp a sense of right and wrong, the parents' role begins to change. And as children, we allow so much of our upbringing to be determined by the parents, but must begin to take responsibility for our own well-being once we are able to make informed decisions. One question posed in this chapter is: Are you able to fulfill the function of being a parent [or child] and fulfill it well, without identifying with that function, that is, without it becoming a role?

Another question to ask is: do you change your personality around your parent/child? If this is the case, you are probably still playing your "role." I know that when I visit my parents I often close up, and turn off. I become defensive and impatient. I am allowing my role as "child" to take over my true nature-my giving and courteous nature. 

I guess the point of all this comes down to being conscious and self aware. Shed the pretension. Disidentify with roles, and allow your true nature to shine through. Allow your heart to dictate your next move, your next sentence. These are people that love you, and if you are choosing to spend time with them the only way to show love in return is to be fully present with them.

As Tolle puts it: "The relationship with your parents is not only the primordial relationship that sets the tone for all subsequent relationships, it is also a good test for your degree of presence. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again."